May 2013
“Caution: cape does not enable user to fly.”
– Warning label on a Batman costume. (via daydreamingandnightwondering)
friend: let's go to a party
me: i can't i'm ugly
Cosmo Sex Tip #236
fatjonahhill:
If you can’t fit his entire erect penis in your mouth, try taking smaller bites.
S3X T1P #92
trollsextips:
1F YOU W4NT TO WORK 1T
YOUV3 GOT TO TW3RK 1T
teen pregnancy is more acceptable than being gay and that’s really sad
“You’re so innocent.”
laugh-addict:
That’s what you think.
doctor: are you sexually active
me: i'm not even physically active
davejadetier:
BEE SEX IS REALLY FUNNY OKAY HEAR ME OUT
BASICALLY THE MALE BEE GOES TO THE QUEEN AND INSERTS ITS PENIS INTO THE QUEEN BEE AND THEN THEY EJACULATE AT SUCH A HIGH SPEED THAT THEY GENITALS FUCKING EXPLODE AND ARE LEFT IN THE QUEEN FOREVER AND THE MALE BEE FALLS ON THE GROUND AND DIES
thelandoffakebelieve:
Technically any zoo is a petting zoo if youre not a pussy
expectations of summer: going to the beach every day, water fights, parties, random day trips, barbecues
reality of summer: moving your laptop so that the sunlight doesn't reflect on the screen when you're trying to blog
iguanamouth:
I KEEP THINKING ABOUT DINOSAUR BONES LIKE SOME OF THEM ARE SO FUCKING BIG YOU KNOW PEOPLE USED TO DIG THOSE UP AND THINK THEY WERE FROM DRAGONS THE LARGEST SKULL EVER FOUND WAS OVER 8 GODDAMN FEET LONG FROM A TOROSAURUS THATS FUCKING INSANE IM SO PUMPED ABOUT THIS I LOV E DINOSAURS LETS GO BURN DOWN THE POST OFFICE
Me on my wedding day: is there wifi in this hall
